H!GGY November 30, 2022 No Comments
Lara relaxing with her view.
Lara relaxing with her view.

It’s been two months since we flew back to California and in that time we visited with lots of friends and family and even did a second wedding ceremony for some of our West Coast Tribe. Making more cherished memories.

Many of you have reached out to me to check in on Lara because the frequency of her responses to you has declined so it’s time for an update.

Since arriving in Healdsburg and setting up hospice care we have met weekly with a nurse who monitors Lara’s symptoms and adjusts medication as needed. As of now, she is on a lot of medication—morphine (both slow-release pills for routine maintenance and a faster-acting liquid form for breakthrough pain, which she has often), methadone, Ativan, dexamethasone, to name a few—and these are all great interventions to manage her pain. They also make her extremely sleepy and often confused.

I know how disheartening it is for those of you who reach out to her directly and perhaps hear nothing in return. Or maybe if you do hear something back it’s confusing or out of context. I get it. We consider good days here to be the ones where she is able to have a simple meal of Cheerios or Eggo waffles with syrup. Great days are those when she feels strong enough to leave the bedroom even for a few minutes or to relax in the chair with a view of the hills and trees to the south (as in the photo I’ve attached to this post). I recently got her out of the house for a visit to town and even a decent walk down the gravel road another day.

But for the most part, she is exhausted. Her body is doing its best. So is her mind. Her heart is still as wonderful as ever though. She loves you all immeasurably and you are with her in some form or another. Trust me.

As an example of her endless compassion and empathy, I’ll share a moment that she and I recently had. A couple of days ago I was having a pretty intense headache for most of the day. It was bad enough that I skipped meals and went to bed when the sun was still up, waking up only to give Lara her routine meds and check on her. When she found out I was struggling with my own pain (that I tried to keep hidden from her) she started asking me what she could do for me and offered up some of her own meds to me. I declined the medicine; the concern was plenty for me.

Thank you all for loving her. I’ve never known anyone more deserving of love than this woman. She may never again get to directly tell you what you mean to her so please accept my broad statement as affirmation that you are important to her. Please reflect the light that radiated from her back out into the world.

Originally shared on Facebook.

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