I walked out to the pond yesterday for some time to myself. I’d chosen a random meditation from my app to help me level-set the cacophony I was hearing in my head.
When I got to the pond I walked to the end of the diving board and sat down. I didn’t feel like meditating. But sometimes we have to do what needs doing regardless of our desires. I put my earbuds in and pressed play.
The meditation happened to be a Ganesha Chakra Meditation and it focused on removing impediments to facilitate the “clearing, healing, and removal of any and all obstacles that might be preventing you from achieving or receiving a certain life situation”.
It was hard to begin. Sitting upright was a struggle. Drying my tears was even tougher. Finally, I locked my hands in front of my heart as instructed and inhaled as I raised them above my head, then exhaled as I brought them back down. I repeated this until the method changed slightly. Deep breath in, hold the breath for a moment, and then expel the air out forcefully. The idea is to force out the obstacle.
Before I realized it, I was sitting straighter and the tears that were carried away by my exhalations stopped getting replaced. I felt the serenity and equanimity I was seeking. When I opened my eyes I saw the surroundings that I had missed upon my arrival at the pond. The pond was nearly covered with the usual pondweed (it’s actually Azolla pinnata, a type of fern), but I noticed it had a new shade of reddish-burgundy and green. “Christmas colors,” I thought to myself. “Pretty.”
The sun was shining brilliantly. And the clouds hung with a touch of darkness. “We’re all carrying something heavy at some time or another.” And carry it we must. How we choose to carry it is our prerogative. Pretending it’s not there won’t work for me. Neither will casually brushing it aside. Instead, I’ll lean into it and learn how to make it mean something. I won’t always want to and I’ll be better at it at some times than I will be at others. Like the Little Engine That Could: I think I can. I think I can.
I’ve always approached subjects like these with caution. I don’t exactly feel comfortable with white-washing the spiritual sanctity of Hinduism or wading brazenly into cultural appropriation. But I remember a friend telling Lara and me not to worry about such things if we’re being respectful and we find what we’re doing meaningful. I wonder if that friend remembers that conversation or if it was such a casual remark to her that it doesn’t really stand out all that much. Her conviction was so easygoing that I could tell her belief on the matter was simple, but not dismissive or insensitive.
I’m not here to say that an elephant-headed deity intervened yesterday in my meditation. I suppose anything is possible. But at the very least I know that a mantra repeated with enough belief can yield measurable results, just as it helped that switcher engine in Watty Piper’s book get to the top of that mountain and that’s good enough for me.
