Lara Log—1

Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer (Adenocarcinoma)

We’re still processing those words and the weight they carry. The cancer has spread to her liver and her blood.

Thursday we went for her scheduled MRI. Lara was so weak that she couldn’t walk so I wheeled her into the office and let the staff take over. The tech said she would expedite this order because she could see how miserable Lara was. Within an hour, the gastroenterologist called me and said Masshole was blocking her duodenum and that we needed to work towards getting a stent placed so she could get relief from the fluids building up in her stomach. She had been vomiting bile for a couple of days at this point. They got her a bed right away and I took her to the hospital immediately.

Once they got her in the room, I helped her nurse put an NG tube through her nose and down into her belly so they could get all of the fluid out of there. Within just a few moments we’d gotten over two liters out. They continued to let the NG tube work to empty her stomach and did periodic X-rays to check that it was empty. It had to be empty before placing the stent so the gastroenterologist would be able to see what he was doing.

Thursday night is when the oncologist came to speak with us. She asked a few questions about her medical history and general health, including the breast cancer she just beat a few months ago. That’s when she told us the news. There is no surgical option since it’s in the blood and there is no cure. Our mission now is to make her as comfortable as possible for as long as possible. We will do chemotherapy for as long as it works and for as long as she can tolerate it. And of course, she’ll be exploring her witchy biohacking complementary measures as well.

By go time on Friday, they had gotten over 3 liters of fluid out of her stomach. The stent placement was successful and should continue opening up the path to her small intestine so she can start eating again. There has been a drastic improvement in her symptoms since then. No more vomiting and she’s back to her radiant self. She’s still managing pain through the hospital’s care and they are watching to see if she can handle a full liquid diet today and manage her pain with medication she can have at home (no morphine or intravenous measures). So far, things are looking great!

She is scheduled to receive her chemo port on Tuesday, July 5th, and then head straight into chemotherapy the next day. The medical team encouraged us to get started right away…we have no time to waste.

I want to express my admiration for my girl. She is a badass in every sense of the word. She has been so graceful throughout this entire process. Including handling the devastating, heartbreaking news. With the NG tube in, she couldn’t speak. After the oncologist left the room, Lara wrote a message to me that said, “Somehow, I already knew.” And honestly, I think I did too even though I couldn’t admit it to myself. If I didn’t admit it, maybe it wouldn’t be true. Y’know?

She has been meditating with her amethyst and even stretching and doing “bed yoga” during her stay here. She has been laughing and practicing gratitude and putting a smile on the nurses’ faces. Mine too. She’s such a light. She even sings to me, “Every little thing, is gonna be all right.” I’m not sure the world deserves her. She’s too great. We’ve had several tearful conversations with family and friends so we can plan the next steps for her care and comfort.

A couple of days ago some friends told her that an old high school friend told them how Lara had positively impacted his life. Lara never knew she’d had that kind of influence on him. So, for those of you who are so inclined, please share how she has touched your life. Please put it here if you’re willing—not just so she can read it—but also so that her parents can see it. For her sister. For her brothers. Do it for all of the cousins and nieces and nephews and aunts and uncles. Do it so all of you who love her can see, and maybe even identify with, how she touched everyone.

For anyone who may not be comfortable sharing here, you of course can reach out directly to her. If you would like to send handwritten letters or cards or old photographs you may have, hit me up and I’ll send you our mailing address.

But whatever decision you choose (you can do both!), please don’t wait. Cancer is a fucking thief. Not only does it truncate your remaining time. But steals your time by way of vomiting for days. By being too weak to leave the bed. By adverse reactions to the treatment that helps you be otherwise functional. Time is our most precious resource and we squander too much of it.

Share it now while she will get to enjoy it. Let’s lift up the greatest woman on the planet with love and admiration. She deserves that.